♪♪ [elevator music] Why is that– Woman [on phone]:<i> Hi, how can I help you?</i> Yeah, hi.
My refrigerator’s broken. <i> Okay, how old is the refrigerator?</i> Just bought it yesterday. What brand?
Okay, and how did you pay for it? <i> In</i> cash. <i> And what</i> seems to be the problem? <i> Um,</i> it just keeps spilling ice all over my floor. Okay, what material is the floor made of?
Wood? Great. And on a scale of 1 to 10, how pure would you say the water is that’s being frozen? <i> Uh,</i> 10, is that important? Average annual income?
I– I’m sorry, what does that have to do with my refrigerator? <i> Just standard informational questions, sir.</i> <i> Average annual income?</i> [sighs] Seventy thousand. <i> Okay,</i> are you married? Yes. Happily? Yes, is this my mother-in-law? <i> Scale of 1 to 10?</i> Ten!
Can we move on? Yes. Do you have any medical problems or personal disabilities? <i> Uh,</i> no. Okay, and what’d you have for dinner last night? How– Wait, what did I have for dinner?
Meatloaf. How many helpings? Two. Scale of 1 to 10? What– This is my mother-in-law!
Nancy. <i> Have you</i> ever had to protect your home from wild animals? <i> No.</i> Wait, we had mice last week. <i> Have your</i> children ever been pressed into military service? No.
I mean, I wouldn’t mind if they were, you know what I’m saying? <i> Okay.</i> <i> One</i> last question. Have you ever had an egregious violation of your basic human rights? Wh– What?
No! Seriously, my refrigerator– <i> Okay, just to sum things up, you are a healthy,</i> <i> happily married, socially acceptable, free man</i> living outside of any war zones with a roof over your head, food on your table, and a<i> steady income,</i> <i> calling to complain about your new top-of-the-line</i> <i> refrigerator paid for in cash</i> that seems to be spilling frozen filtered water all over your non-dirt floor.
Is that correct? [speechless] [phone beeps] Mm-hmm.
Hi, thank you for calling “First World Hotline,” how may I help you? Oh, hey there. I just have one question.
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You’re a very good customer person.